How can I get my boyfriend to still be a partner to me when he has his daughter?

My boyfriend is recently divorced and has two daughters, the 12 year old has not spoken to him since the divorce, the ten year old comes to our house one weeknight, and every other weekend. I have a daughter that is also 10, who has Autism. My problem is that when his daughter comes to our house there is no 'us.' When she is here he is literally attatched to her hip permanently. I cook, and do all the usual household things just as I always would, but he fixes her plate, cleans it, lays on the floor with her for hours holds her hand everywhere we go...etc. I am very left out and so is my daughter. I have tried to bond with his daughter and it woked in the beginning, when I was setting up her area of the house, getting her a pet, and things like that, but now I can't get anywhere with her, not even this past weekend with Father's Day as my suggestion for us to buy or make something for him! When she is here there is absolutely no time for adult conversation, intimacy beyond a peck which he says "but I always make sure to kiss you and check on you." But because his daughter is always right there she is staring right at me when he does this and he can't understand why I act stiff when he kisses me. He has even asked her for 1 minute to be with me and she tugs and wrestles with him and says "your minute is up." I just turn to my daughter and try to ignore it when this happens. She has also begun sulking at outings in order to garner his full attention. The first instance was my daughter's birthday party which I made sure to include her in, even used a theme she liked. He ended up seperate from the guests playing catch with her for 70% of the party. Here's where my issue is: his behavior. I do not blame the child, she is experiencing feelings that she has trouble dealing with and expressing from the divorce and from her father's relationship with me. He however, feels guilt and way overcompensates with her. He justifies his behavior by saying he doesn't get to see her everyday, but there is a healthy way to have a relationship with a non-custodial parent, and this is not it. If it is this bad now her teenage years will be hell, on all of us. I am not trying to take his time with her away, but we are living together and he says he wants to be with me forever. But he doen't try to work toward us being a family. He lives with me, and spends every day that his daughter is not with him obsessed with calling her, then when he has her he disappears, he's here in body, but might as well be in another state. To add to the mess, his divorce states that his daughter cannot be in the same house with anyone not related by blood or marriage from 8pm to 8am so they have to sleep at a grandparent;s house. He already pays over half his income in child support and medical costs monthly so he has no money to amend the divorce. This sleeping arrangement makes the whole thing even more of a mess (it's my dad they stay with, which I arranged so he wouldn't lose overnight visitation). I have done everything I can to make this work and I am the doormat. He did buy me a ring, which I wear always, and he has never discussed this with his daughter, which def does not help. Is there no hope that he will ever be able to manage to be a Dad and a partner at the same time? I'm losing patience and hope It is not easy s not easy to find any guy willing to accept my daughter and the lifetime responsibilty she brings, I am afraid I am settling because I fear that as I get older and my daughter becomes more 'obvious' in her autistic traits I will have no hope. Someone help me make the right move...